i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
