I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
