kristin has been a bad kristin
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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