i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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