So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
