that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
two words: eviction party
a search helicopter?!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
