I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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