ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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