You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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