I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
