last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
