I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
