This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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