All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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