I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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