recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
