Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
