3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
