; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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