what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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