I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
