I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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