I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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