when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
