My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
