Tell her she can't have a vagina
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Life is so much better after having sex.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
