I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
