I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
