Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
