I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
