just come out here and I will go home with you...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
