i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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