But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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