he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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