Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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