It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
