just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
