yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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