I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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