The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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