As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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