then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
