This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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