cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
