I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
