You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
