In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
we're so committed to being not committed
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
