I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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