I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
