you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
