This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
