stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
